aramkool

As my friend was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from the ropes they were tied to but for some reason, they did not. My friend saw a trainer nearby and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.

"Well," he said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free." My friend was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn't, they were stuck right where they were.

Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before? So make an attempt to grow further.... Why shouldn't we try it again?


"YOUR ATTEMPT MAY FAIL, BUT NEVER FAIL TO MAKE AN ATTEMPT."

Step1
Slow down. Babies and children live in a different time frame from adults' - usually a much slower one. Keep this in mind as you talk to your child, care for her and go about your day together.
Step2
Observe your child. You'll be amazed at how well you'll get to know your child by sitting back and watching. This focused awareness will help you better understand moods, abilities and temperament. Listening is important, too.
Step3
Stay optimistic. Optimism is contagious; so is negativity. Show your child through your behavior how to overcome minor setbacks. Children emulate their parents' attitudes and habits, so it will help if you have a positive outlook.
Step4
Accept and acknowledge your child's feelings and desires. Let her know it's OK if she feels sad, scared or angry. You can say, 'It looks like you're sad because your friend went home' or 'It seems that you're mad because I put the ball away.'
Step5
Tell your child your expectations. Children won't always comply right away, but they need to understand clearly what a parent expects: 'I want you to put on your sweater. We're going outside,' or 'I want your feet to stay off the couch.'
Step6
Set appropriate limits. Even when you acknowledge a feeling or desire, you must make a child aware of appropriate behavior and rules: 'I can see you're mad at your friend because he took the toy from you, but I won't let you hit him. Hitting is not something we do in our family. What else can you do?'
Step7
Wait. Let your child do as much as she can on her own - learn to walk, put on her socks, resolve conflicts with her friends. Anxiety or the desire to help often tempts parents to rush in and solve the problem for the child. A better response would be to wait and see what your child can manage on her own. She might surprise you.
Step8
Behave genuinely. Just as you accept your child's moods, though not always his behavior, it's OK to have a sad or angry thought yourself and express it appropriately: 'I'm really tired right now but I'm listening to you.' A parent's genuineness prepares a child for life.
Step9
Nurture yourself and your marriage. Make arrangements to have some guilt-free time to take care of your own needs. Plan a date with your partner and forget the kids for a while. You'll be a happier person and a better parent.